you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
