I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
