We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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