when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
