New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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