I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
