all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
