You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
