She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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