She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
