Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
