I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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