Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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