The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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