God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
