you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
