No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
