yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
