He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
