I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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