He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
