She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
