Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
