The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
