clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
my liver is dry heaving
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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