we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
