I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
