I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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