Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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