when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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