WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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