New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
