So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
