Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
