There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
