Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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