I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
