no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just saw a hot homeless man
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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