you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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