In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
