I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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