Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
