my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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