I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She told me I should be a condom model.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
