What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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