And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
