Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
