Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
