yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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