Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
