my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
