u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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