As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
