What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
