he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
