Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
