what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
