im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
