My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
