ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's never too late to be topless.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
