Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
