I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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