this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize