seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
