When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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