I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
