um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
