oh god the rape fog is back!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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