what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Come share oat with me in your robe
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
