We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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