that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
