I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
